About Medication

Lately I was put on a medication which should help against seizures and fits called Levetiracetam Milpharm. Now, I should read all the small lines of any medication we have to take, and we should all read them, because when my physical abilities which were already not great worsened and my temperament was turning irritable, shouting, frustrated, angry and suicidal, I knew it was not the good old happy Cordy.

My dosage was increased when I kept having seizures. It turned for the worst in a sense that I started to behave in an erratic manner almost if I lost all control of my body and my mind. Loss of memory even with simple little things like 'Did we update the delivery list, because I forgot?', and your partner turns to you to remind you that you did it only about an hour ago, this is pretty frightening stuff almost to the point that you do think that you are starting to loose your marbles.

So you try desperatly to make sense of it all especially if your tiredness/ fatigue increased by tenfold and you also keep having bouts of fits, bitting your tongue and the inside of your mouth similar to an epilespy attack again but with an extremelly dry mouth. When I started having some impetus of appetite again despite my difficulty to swallow in order to help people like me to maintain a proper nutrition, preparing a book about it all and working on the website 'La Maison de Cordelia' about food, cooking and gardening for your own alimentation. When I started that new medication, I had difficulties facing food again, lack of appetite and spent three days without food but only vitamins in liquid forms. That added to the extreme Fatigue which impaired me to work, the constant falls, which I was doing before but became worst by lack of coordination, I thought to myself something was wrong there.

Now I am a very happy Being in general, with a good sense of humour and pride myself with a little bit of wit, however this time around I can tell you I wasn't my usual self: the mood swings were terrible, almost like you are for an hour Doctor Jeckyll and Mr Hyde for the other, to quote R L Stevenson it was like '

• “If I am the chief of sinners, I am the chief of sufferers also.” ...

I was very argumentative which is unlike me, instead of picking up a fight I go to bed usually, 'The it will pass' 'Don't say anything that you might regret afterwards.' 'Think the matter through'. But I must say I was almost uncontrolable with a sheer sense of stress, distress, panic attack and reacting like Animal in the Muppets. The I have enough of any bullshits.

In the end I did read the side effects of the medication and realised I suffered from them, I could tick boxes on the very common ones, the common ones, the uncommon ones and the rare ones. A pretty big list that this medication is definitely not for me.

What scared me the most is the loss of memory but also I was starting to plan to kill myself to not bother anyone any longer. It went that deep. I was calling the Samaritans every night, usually at about three ish so I knew my partner was fully sleeping and couldn't hear me crying over the phone with the difficulties I was facing with my health issues. Just to not worry him. But last morning with another set of multiple fits in the morning, chest pain well palpitations I was sent again to A&E. Then the cause of behavioural changes was confirmed to my partner and I was talked to in a very good way if somewhat tough but it was a PEP talk rather than anything else. 

It is clear that this medication is not for me and I mustn't take it any longer. But I can tell you my Cartesian yet happy way of living started to be a nightmare with that Lev' something so please do read the note that comes with your medication, and if you see any change in yourselves report them ASAP. You can do so on the website: www.mhra.gov.uk/yellowcard, but also to your GP which can get you a referal to be checked and your medication to be changed to something more suitable for your own metabolism.